Spiritual Skepticism
"To be grounded in silence is to be open to understanding."
As a spiritual skeptic, I find it difficult to trust or believe in faith-based practices and traditions. Therefore, I have always gravitated towards things that are proven or evidence-based. After centuries of anecdotal evidence, science is confirming many of the beneficial effects of meditation.
For many years I relied on evidence-based medicine and therapies to treat my chronic pain and complex trauma. Despite the evidence, I felt like the Western medical system was failing me. I spent two months in an intensive outpatient therapy program where I was introduced to breathing techniques for anxiety. From there, I decided to attend a week-long Survivor's workshop for trauma and codependency at The Meadows treatment center in Wickenburg, Arizona. I remember being at that workshop; I bought essential oils from Sephora, brought them with me, and took a bath with them every night. Years later, this ritual has become a foundation of my healing and how I create a safe space to connect to myself, spirit guides, and universal consciousness (more on these topics to come!). When I returned from The Meadows, I resumed therapy and continued working through my trauma.
Meanwhile, the physical pain I was dealing with was increasing, even with all the pills, injections, physical therapy, acupuncture, etc. I was desperate for a solution. At the recommendation of my therapist, I started reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach and The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh. I began meditating as a means to cope with my physical and emotional pain. However, my practice has evolved from simply repeating positive affirmations, to listening to daily guided meditations on the InsightTimer app, to hiring a meditation coach, and finally becoming a meditation teacher.
My practice and commitment deepened as I saw, felt, and experienced more benefits. For example, I experience physical sensations, energetic releases, and emotional shifts that I can directly attribute to my meditation practice. When I first started meditating, the benefits looked like having a negative thought and remembering my positive affirmation more often. As my practice has evolved, I experience fewer negative thoughts, and the shift in my thoughts has resulted in more feelings of joy, ease, and peace. Now, when I sit, lie down, or soak in my bathtub to meditate with just a few breaths, I can usually evoke a feeling of peace and calm, if that is my intention. For this reason, the time one meditates is less important than the commitment, consistency, and quality of presence.
Seeing the benefits of meditation can be challenging due to our negativity bias, also known as the human being's tendency to pay more attention to what's "wrong" and unpleasant. Having a coach who validated my experience in and out of meditation and reflected the benefits I was experiencing, yet often overlooked, immensely helped deepen my confidence and self-trust. As my confidence grew, I entertained meditation practices I once thought were frankly bullshit, like working with chakras.
By embracing more energy-based practices, I started experiencing strong physical sensations during and after meditation. It was both scary and validating. The day after I did 2nd chakra trauma healing with my coach, I had breakthrough period bleeding. I was so freaked out I didn't know if I should call my coach or my gynecologist. My coach reassured me that my experience was common after intense trauma work and energy healing. Emotions are stored in our physical body and can be released through the physical body. The wisdom and experience of this laid the foundation for my spiritual journey.
The physical sensations I experienced during meditation became a portal to spirituality. I connected to a deeper trust in myself and the unseen through the physical experience of the body. For example, when I practice grounding, I can feel a thumping and pulsing sensation in the area around my tailbone. My thinking mind cannot understand or rationalize this. However, there is a deeper knowing that I am connecting to something greater than my cognitive mind can understand. The physical experience during meditation taught me to trust myself and whatever I experience. Whether I am experiencing the physical pain of a migraine or "some (intuitive) feeling" in the pit of my belly, I am learning to trust everything I feel without doubt. Only through learning to trust my experience was I able to trust that which I could not validate and to trust spiritual guidance.
"To be grounded in silence is to be open to understanding." - This is a message I received during meditation from spirit. I didn't understand its meaning at first until I sat with it. Spiritual wisdom and guidance require listening outside the cognitive mind. It's listening on a physical, energetic, emotional, and spiritual level.
People often start meditating to silence thoughts or achieve enlightenment. Meditation is a practice that can help change how we relate to our thoughts, effectively turning down their volume. Likewise, enlightenment is more of a journey than a final destination. When we choose to practice meditation, we are grounding ourselves in ancient tradition. We allow ourselves the opportunity to receive the wisdom in these traditions, which has thrived through the centuries, so that we may all benefit from them. In silence, we can begin the journey of deep understanding. It is an understanding rooted in wisdom more profound than the cognitive mind can understand, wisdom beyond thought.