New Year, Where Are You Starting?
The New Year is just around the corner. It's the time of year when people begin thinking about New Year's resolutions and starting fresh on January 1st. So why do most New Year's resolutions fail?
According to one study, only 19% of New Year's resolutions are kept over a two-year period.
A new year can feel like the perfect time to start over, kick "bad" habits, and become the person we think we are meant to be. This is why the concept "New Year, New You" has become widely popular. The truth, however, is that you will be the same incredible, beautiful, perfectly imperfect person at 12:00 am January 1st as you are at 11:59 pm December 31st. The reasons why you want to become a "new, improved" version of yourself are the same reasons why your resolutions are likely to fail.
“We cannot change what we are not first willing to accept.”
If we want to change something, we must first accept where we are starting from. Think of it in terms of traveling. If you want to go on vacation to Mexico (one of my favorite vacation spots), you will most likely need to book a flight. In order to book a flight to Mexico, you need to know what airport you are flying out of, your city of origin. Suppose you do not know what airport is closest to you or believe you are closer to a different airport. In that case, the probability that you will book the right flight and make it to Mexico is very small. To get where you want to go, you must know where you are starting from.
Understanding and accepting our current situation (physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually) is vital to aligning our thoughts, actions, and intentions with the changes we desire to make in our lives. This step is the missing link often left out in all the New Year's excitement.
I remember when I was first taught the concept of acceptance. I seriously struggled to reconcile in my brain how I could accept where I was/who I was AND change simultaneously. I honestly believed that I would never change if I accepted who I was. I thought acceptance meant condemning myself to a life of complacency. So I continued on the path of trying to change through punishing myself, negative self-talk, and focusing on the aspects of myself that I hated. This approach, however, only caused me more pain and suffering, and any progress towards my goals was overshadowed by an inner voice that continually told me, "it wasn't good enough"; “I wasn't good enough!”
It wasn't until I read the book "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach that the concept of acceptance really started to sink in. Through my own experience and the teachings of some very wise teachers, I was finally coming to understand that,
“I can’t hate my way into positive change. ”
If I want to create positive changes in my life, the path to doing it is love, compassion, and acceptance (as cliché as it sounds).
As I've learned to embrace the path of radical acceptance, I've traded the tradition of setting black and white, success or failure-style New Year's resolutions for aspirational, qualitative, embodiment-focused New Year's intentions (for more on the difference between resolutions and intentions, check out this article from Insight Timer). This practice of intention setting and radical acceptance has allowed me to create lasting positive changes in my life. I am more easily able to recognize and appreciate the progress I have made while simultaneously acknowledging and accepting without judgment the areas in my life that I still desire to improve.
You have the power to cultivate positive change in your life, AND it’s ok to accept where you are right now. When you accept where you are starting from, you create a safe space to learn, grow, and change.
To learn more about radical acceptance, join me for a day-long retreat on the 4 Brahma Viharas: “Cultivating a Compassionate Heart” virtually or in-person at the EAST Institute February 18 from 10:30am-5:30pm EST!